97 days

I broke out my best moves to squeeze in those final glances across the customs line and up the escalator: one last wave, a kiss goodbye blown across travellers' heads. This time, I mostly held back the tears as Nicolas and I said goodbye. We both know this sucks, and there's no point in losing our last few minutes in sad thoughts. There will be plenty of time for that.

Goodbye again? So soon?!

So much had happened since I'd last seen Nicolas on January 5: we'd both landed jobs, and pretty good ones at that! The green card application process was officially begun. We'd finally put together papers to make our marriage France-official. And I'd moved across my country to call a new city home. Had it really only been 97 days? And am I really writing "only" 97??

"Only" is right when bracing for a round with the USCIS. These people deal in months and years, not the minutes, hours, and days felt so keenly by those applicants whose families have been torn apart. Nicolas and I are now beginning what is set to be our longest stretch of 2018 apart: 116 days from our last goodbye to our next hello. I've even made a little countdown website with pink bears to try to add some joy to the wait.

Can't wait! 💕

A year ago, as we celebrated finally getting our marriage certificate in hand, we couldn't have imagined this. But here we are.

Remember when we thought that that marriage certificate was the end of our fears of forcible separation by immigration services?

Hopping across a continent and an ocean for a long weekend is easier said than done. Nonetheless, I braved the jet lag for our first wedding anniversary. And for the first time this year, we got three whole days to pretend we were a normal couple, not fearful of uncertain futures, just walking hand-in-hand down the streets of the Marais on a sunny afternoon, eating meals face-to-face, with bedtimes that aren't separated by nine or more hours. It surprised me how incredibly normal it all felt.

On Saturday, Nicolas indulged me with a trip to Beaune, my favorite French village. You've got your open-air market in the town square, your bike trails snaking through vineyards, and Pierre of the Cave de l'Ange Gardien, the world's most stereotypical French wine tasting guide, who is oh-so-knowledgeable and oh-so-French. (This was my sixth visit to Pierre's wine tasting performance, as it can only be described.) As usual, Pierre taught us the art of wine appreciation and French superiority, from how to smell the floral notes with the right nostril and the fruity notes with the left to how to never forget that Americans think that old wines are the worst because no one wanted to buy them when they were young. (But of course.)

Getting my Beaune fix in. That marks my 7th visit, with many more to come. 🍇🍷🍾

For our actual wedding anniversary, on Sunday, Nicolas treated me to a particularly meaningful visit, back to La Fine Mousse, the bar where we'd had our first date nearly four years ago.

But first, pastries!

As if the bar knew we were coming for a special visit, they'd paired with a couple of massage therapists who offered us their services. Belgian triples plus massages plus a husband across a table instead of an ocean? Yes, please!

Ceci n'est pas un bar parisien. Meanwhile, Nicolas's employer believed him to be spending the weekend in England, a safeguard to ensure he couldn't get called in for a last-minute shift.

And then came the fun of my return trip. Unlike the rest of my journeys booked for later this year, this trip was planned with less than two months' notice, hardly enough time to land a deal that was both reasonably priced and comfortable. And so I was treated to a 25-hour journey from the time I left Nicolas's home until I stepped foot in my own. As I said, fun!

Helloooo, San Francisco! And the countdown clock resets.

On a positive note, the goodbye was much less heavy this time. There was no flying into the unknown, and with three months under our belts, the prospect of so much time and so much distance is no longer so scary, just shitty. Only 111 days to go until I see my husband again! "Only."

Missing all of this. 😘😘😭