A little less lost, and maybe more fabulous

I may have been supporting my friend this past summer when I went to a boudoir open house for which she was managing the PR, but I can't pin the blame on her this time. Maybe the wheels started turning when another client I met at the open house talked to me about how her sessions in front of the camera were more effective than any of the hundreds she'd spent on therapy. I came to understand that, as utterly absurd as it sounds even to me, a boudoir session was something I needed.

My life flipped on its head these past couple of years. Even before the chaos of fostering and fertility treatments, over the past decade I‘ve spent a lot of time carefully flying under the radar, conforming and avoiding attention, and making some compromises that really hurt. In the midst of it all, I lost the mental model of myself that my photographer teased out: someone strong, beautiful on my own terms - without having to apologize for the lack of hourglass figure or feminine curves - and most importantly, joyful in my weird, wonderful skin.

This is me, who I want to be and who I am.

Looking at these photos makes me feel a little more brave. Even if the person that exists in my head can’t (yet) do something, surely that badass casually wrapped around her pole could. And oh, right, that's me! I’m hoping seeing myself from the photographer's angle takes me one step closer to reclaiming my sense of self and feeling a little less lost - and perhaps as fabulous as I deserve to feel.