The first calls

We had our first calls with surrogacy agencies today. I felt so seen, so heard, so respected in my choices. There wasn't the slightest wince as I told our story, from our meeting through online dating with profiles that listed our intent to be parents as "maybe" to our journey into foster parenting to our round-about arrival at IVF and surrogacy. My wanting to care for and love a child could co-exist with my not wanting to grow it inside of me (and a recognition that the stress and sleep deprivation of my job might not be best for either mom or growing baby). I wasn't judged or made to feel less valid than those seeking surrogacy out of medical necessity. Not only that, I was met with positive reactions as I counted off our four euploid embryos and our one low-level segmental mosaic. The reps praised our choice of fertility clinic, whose embryology lab has particularly high standards, and they taught us that, when working with a surrogate, odds of a live birth from a genetically-tested embryo climb to 70-75%. Now that the healthy and genetically-tested embryos have been banked, my age is no longer a risk factor. For the first time since we began this scary and unexpected journey, I'm wracked with sleeplessness over something new: excitement; hope.

I don't want to sound overly naïve: I understand that surrogacy agencies are a business, and that they have a financial interest in making me feel good, but two things can be true at the same time. Just because one of these agencies may make a profit off of me doesn't mean they can't also bring me validation and the fulfilment that proved so elusive as we fought tooth and nail to make last year's foster placement work.