This is the big week: some time before next weekend, I anticipate getting the green light to start taking my (oral) priming meds to get me ready for the first egg retrieval cycle - finally. It's been two months of waiting, of countless hours speaking with my insurance company, my HR, and my fertility clinic to figure out what we're signing up for financially. I'm loaded up with nearly a dozen different daily+ vitamins that are all supposed to improve egg equality. I've learned about my ("highly impressive" per doctor's description, thank you very much) genetic profile and can sit secure in the knowledge that Nicolas and I can't make an embryo with any known single-gene disease. I've survived two (surprisingly easy) months off the pill. I've got a cabinet and a fridge drawer filled with more meds than I've probably taken over the past decade. I've peed onto and into way more things than I'd care to all for cycle tracking. Those sad little suppressed follicles from back in January are now (an approximately equal number of) plump and normal looking follicles per my latest ultrasound. We keep on coming round to the same conclusion: I'm on the edge, but am still technically clinging on to "totally normal fertility" by all metrics that we can measure before pumping me full of hormones and stabbing my ovaries for an egg hunting expedition.
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| The hormone screens, the cycle tracking, and the mountains of meds mean it's nearly go-time. |
This is going to suck. At least that's what I'm expecting. I'm incredibly curious as to just how much. I've heard the more follicles you have, the worse this all feels, and I'm wondering if I may have hit the sweet spot where I've still got enough for our doctor to be quite optimistic about outcomes but not so many to feel like death warmed over by the time all's said and done. And let's hope this isn't all too awful because I'm signing up for the frequent flyer pass. It turns out my health coverage is incredibly generous: the first cycle is just a few thousand and every subsequent cycle within the calendar is free. With that in mind, at my age, why wouldn't we take a couple rides on this merry-go-round? Some extra up-front suffering to give ourselves the best odds of a healthy baby makes sense.
It's just such a mind f*ck (excuse the language) to have to dive in knowing there's no guarantee (other than pain and far too many blood draws). Will we get some embryos? Probably, but not for sure. The only certainty is that I'll undergo my first surgery complete with IV and general anaesthesia. And I may come out the other side with nothing more than the satisfaction of having tried. I hate that so much.
For better or worse, I just cannot wait to be on the other side.
