May you live in interesting times. Though said to be an ancient Chinese curse, its origins in the English language date back to just the twentieth century. 2020 has certainly reached "interesting" status, though to be fair, interesting has generally been par for the course since Nicolas and I first met. We're both on our fourth job and our sixth apartment in as many years. We were finally poised for things to start getting boring, what with us each finally in a good place professionally, in a city and apartment we like reasonably well, when the pandemic hit. May we live in interesting times.
After two and a half months of working from home, I'd file a return to the office under interesting. That this return happened suddenly when a fire was lit under our asses, informed that we had 48 hours to save everything, more interesting still. It was the first time I packed an overnight bag to go to work. I really didn't need to cap the week off by getting trapped in the office while highways were closed and sketchy reports indicated my adopted home town might be up in flames. While those reports may have been somewhat exaggerated, the sounds of sirens, gunshots, and police helicopters that lulled us to sleep these past two nights were all quite real.
The death of George Floyd at the hands (knees) of police this week has set off a nation-wide fire storm that feels long overdue. The photos of the expressionless demeanor of the cop kneeling on Floyd's neck, calming snuffing out a human life, only shock more over time. Look how routinely he treats the murder of a man not even accused of a violent crime. Look at the long list onto which we tack Floyd's name. Look at what it means to be black in America, in case life wasn't hard enough without the color of your skin calling all your moves into question.
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| Reposting powerful images on social media feels like a flimsy way to signal support. |
I've struggled with how to tell this story. On one hand, it isn't mine to tell. Coming from a place of privilege, I've got to take the back seat and just support my brothers and sisters of color.
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| Black Lives Matter |
On the other hand, the protests become, in some form, everyone's story when cities across the country impose curfews. It gets even more personal when the protests get highjacked by looters like the ones who destroyed Nicolas's store last night. That store has been a godsend, giving him an opportunity to stay connected to his home country and valued for his fluency in French and French culture, since the international company is headquartered in France. This was a store that had only opened last year, that had yet to turn a profit. A store whose future became much less certain with the arrival of the pandemic. A store whose future looms large after last night's events.
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| As the great philosopher Yogi Bera once said, "It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future." Nicolas's professional future seems especially tough to predict from where we stand today, picking up the pieces. |
I don't want to ask for pity: things can be replaced, lives can't. I know. Now isn't about me or Nicolas or anyone else who's been able to live life without fear stemming from the color of our skin. But for two people who've bounced from job to job and city to city, two people who seemed like their lives and their finances were finally getting on track, this just sucks. And I know it sucks worse for others. But watching your livelihood get ransacked, watching cops get overwhelmed and just give up as the crowds take over your workplace, that hurts. There is just so much hurting, and I don't know what will make things better. But I'd like to help. Maybe that's all we allies can say today.
I can't help but think back to one of the more thought-provoking questions from the okcupid questionnaire that brought me to Nicolas: Would you prefer good things happened, or interesting things? I always chose interesting. I'm not sure I knew what I was choosing.
