A pupdate

Dog parenting is not the same as cat parenting. Any vaguely animal-aware idiot could tell you that, but living it is another thing. We've logged nearly two years of dog parenting by now, and have mostly gotten the swing of things. Diarrhea? We know the routine. Dog sitter, dog walker, and dog boarding facility are all practically on speed dial. But between the responsibility, there is also some fun: the beach days, the belly rubs, the best friend encounters (I still cannot get over how dogs really do make specific doggy friendships), and the ongoing mission to win over the cats. I figure we are overdue for a bit of photographic evidence.

Lily: beach bum, cat lover, and big fan of Koa the husky-pomeranian

The final roster

At long last, the embryo banking chapter of our journey came to an end today with the final re-biopsy result: one more euploid girl.

You're reading this right, we actually had a single cycle with 4 whole euploid embryos. Way to go out with a bang!

Our final banked embryo roster

Scoring overview

Embryos are graded based on looks.

They get a score based on 3 physical features:
1. The "blastocyst expansion" stage (3-6).
2. The quality of the bundle of cells that would mature into a body, called the inner cell mass (A-C).

3. The quality of the outer layer of cells that would mature into a placenta, called the trophectoderm (A-C).

Embryos are graded based on speed.

It can take 5, 6, or 7 days for an embryo to mature into a blastocyst that can be cryopreserved.

What matters?

Embryo morphology score:

• The most important is the first letter, with A being best and C being worst.
• Next most important is the second letter, again with A being best and C being worst.
• Lastly, look at the expansion number, from 3 to 6. Counterintuitively, a 4 or 5 are generally best. An embryo at stage 3 is a bit of a slower grower, and an embryo at stage 6 has already hatched from its protective outer layer (zona pellucida), which makes it more vulnerable during the cryo freeze/thaw cycle. 

Embryo maturation speed:

• Day 5 embryos are best. These have a strong, robust metabolism and matured most quickly, in just 5 days in the lab.
• Day 6 embryos are almost equally good in modern labs.
• Historically, when an embryo got implanted during the same menstrual cycle that the egg was retrieved, the day 6's didn't do as well because they fell out of sync with the uterine lining, but these days egg retrievals and implantations are generally done in different cycles. 
• This gives time to genetically test the embryos.
• Decoupling retrievals and implantations allows doctors to optimize for egg maturation during the retrieval cycle, and then fully focus on the uterine lining growth during the implantation cycle.
• Among women under 38, day 5's are more likely to be genetically normal. That held up for us: our day 5 euploid rate was 100%, whereas our day 6 euploid rate was just 50%.
• Day 7 embryos, on the other hand, are significantly worse. We don't have any: Spring will not culture through day 7 due to the low odds of live birth, though word is they may start allowing it for women 38+.

Overall, Spring's data indicates that a day 5 3AB and a day 6 6AA have about equally likely chances of a successful live birth. So voilà, a handful of embryos from our May, November, and December cycles are teed up for the first shot at joining our family.

Our final count stands at 15 implantable embryos, of varying degrees of quality, from the excellent embryos with odds of live birth at Spring surpassing 65%, to the back-ups with slightly worse than 50/50 odds. This was a journey of so many things: a recognition of my own mortality, a deepening awareness of the inescapable realities of existing in a female body, a total redirection of life plans, an exploration of the limits of biotechnology, and a numbers game. And there were so many numbers.

The entire process was some weird medical March Madness. Throughout monitoring appointments, hope rose alongside the follicle count and estrogen levels. Then, from retrieval onward, we watched hopes slashed with the numbers at every check-in point.

The numbers weren't all data points coming from labs. I lived them too:

• 279 fertility-related injections
• 40 blood draws:
• 38 at fertility cycle monitoring or FDA-screening appointments
• 1 genetic carrier screen
• 1 for general health
• 8 IVs (ugh)
• 7 egg retrieval surgeries (after 37 years with zero surgeries!)

Forgive me for not being up for the ultimate number: 1 pregnancy. It's a privileged journey to biological motherhood, but it didn't come without physical sacrifice.

It's amazing how quickly I've blocked out those numbers. But for the residual fertility-related acne haunting my bare shoulders, I'm back to my normal over-worked, under-rested, circus-loving, tea-sipping self. It's hard to believe I wrapped up a whole year as a human pin cushion just a few months long ago. And it's mind boggling to think how last year's actions stand to change the course of our lives.

Now here's to hoping and praying that the world doesn't collapse before we can cash out the funds to turn these embryos into somebodies we can really love.

Probably not my last 5k

I came prepared with excuses that I didn't end up needing. Despite knowing full well I had a 5k to run on Sunday morning, I spent my Saturday afternoon flipping around on the trapeze, and followed that up with a tasting menu complete with wine pairings. Prioritizing my love of circus, or so I told myself. Giving myself permission to not be so fast.

I'm learning how to do a rock-n-roll on the trapeze!

I ran across the finish line the next morning to waves of nausea and the distinct decision to tell Nicolas that he really shouldn't let me do this again. I was sure I'd been slower than last fall's Berkeley Half Marathon 5k - after all, back then, in the throws of challenging fertility treatments, I had something to prove. Nico was sure it wasn't so bad. And when he pulled up the race results, the little trophy next to my name proved him right. Turned out my finish time of 24:49 placed me 3rd in my division (women 35-39), and only 21 seconds behind the division winner. (If only my shoelace hadn't come undone in the first mile, I might have taken gold!) I got a little medalist pin from the winners table and everything. So no, this probably won't be my last 5k after all.

Running with friends!

I'm sorry, I can't help myself: it's so nice to be called a winner. 💖🏆🥉

Never too old for the circus

It's that (increasingly cringe-worthy) time of year: adding to the number of times I've circled the sun. But if you've got to get older, you might as well do it in style. And what better than to bring my favorite people to my happy place to monkey around together?

Circus birthday parties: not just for kids!

I wasn't the only one with a birthday to celebrate this week! Our poopy princess is 2, making her no longer officially a puppy. Try telling that to her some time.

With my parents in town for the weekend, we took them on a tour of Albany Bulb, Lily's favorite pup-friendly urban adventure.

We rounded off my parents' visit with a quick trip up to wine country to take advantage of our free tastings thanks to the Boisset Wine Society membership. This time around we hit up Raymond and Buena Vista. Even without the pizza oven (it's not yet in season), Raymond was still an easy win. Next time we'll plan ahead and splurge for the "Winemaker for a Day" experience!

No visit to the Bay is complete without a couple Asian treats. After introducing them to the mochi waffles at Third Culture (banana espresso was the flavor du jour!), we put a bow on the visit with a final evening over at U Dessert Story for a volcanic bingsu. Delicious and photogenic!

Our first hop over the international date line

When the invite came on a weekend in mid-December just days after my final egg retrieval surgery, the timing seemed too good to pass up: a wedding in Hong Kong in two month's time. With no more fertility expenses on the horizon at long last, our finances were freed to start having fun. And the opportunity to do just that was handed to us on a silver platter. Direct flights from San Francisco were exceptionally low, so within a few days' time we'd booked our first new country since before the pandemic.

Hong Kong: Nico's first trip to Asia (east of Turkey) and our first time crossing the international date line

The vacation from America couldn't have come at a better time. We may have only been three weeks in to this new presidency, but it's felt like a lifetime. And watching my boss's role in the destruction of America as we know it weighs heavily on me. I show up every day to develop cutting-edge technology that will empower folks with disabilities while I watch the society around me slash funding and protections for those in society who need it most, the same folks I seek to serve. And all the while, I watch the media and the public group my team in with the folks who would see the fabric of our society torn, shredded, and lit on fire so they can watch it burn. In short, it was time for a vacation.

Hong Kong was still celebrating the Lunar New Year for the better part of our stay.

Hong Kong was different. I wouldn't say it's a must-see, but it was a wholly enjoyable experience. We were challenged to conceptualize city planning in three dimensions instead of two. Don't see a crosswalk? Look up. You made it to the location of your restaurant and it decided isn't along this block's sidewalk - did you check the floor on the address? We experienced a city without a public display of squalor and human misery. Was it crowded and in some places showing signs of aging? Absolutely. But did we once see an unhoused person? Heck, did we ever smell urine along any sidewalk ever? Nope. I didn't know you could pack so many people together and not only keep things generally clean but frankly safe. There may be a darker lining, but it didn't feel scary. Local guests at the wedding told us they could drunkenly stumble home at any hour of the night in Hong Kong without concern for their well-being. More than just safe and not scary, there were signs of a people who supported each other: each evening that we walked along the harborfront, we saw scattered pairs of blind runners and their guides, something I'd never before seen outside of competitions. And they weren't just a special running club - the pairs were totally independent of each other. I've never seen such a public commitment to making sports accessible in a city before.

But as I mentioned guests, there indeed was a wedding. And it was, as weddings will be, lovely and personal, intimate, unique, and all-around beautiful. We hadn't even realized our friend Brian was in a relationship until the invitation arrived, so we were thrilled to have the chance to get to know his new wife when they joined us at a Hong Kong rooftop bar the evening after the wedding. She, like her friends at the wedding, was exactly the kind of person we'd befriend, which was such a nice thing to find in our old friend's new life partner. Between the two of them, they hold 4 different passports: American, Korean, British, and Irish. And among this assortment of heritages, it was the Korean that really took center stage at the wedding. After the marriage registry, we were treated to a traditional Korean ceremony where the newlyweds were formally presented to each other, served their parents tea, and caught Korean dates (jujubes) and chestnuts tossed by their parents as a method of predicting how many sons and daughters their union will welcome. (Best of luck to the happy couple of their 25-give-or-take future babies!)

A beautiful and intimate Hong Kongese/Korean/western hybrid wedding complete with tram party around Hong Kong island.

We absolutely ate our way through the week. The foodie highlight was unquestionably Cheung Hing Kee Shanghai Pan Friend Buns, though admittedly not particularly vegetarian friendly. Hashtag B made a killer black sticky rice egg custard tart that I went back for several days over. The French toast (made with peanut butter!) and bottled milk tea at Shui Kee Coffee were a delectable local treat inside a converted warehouse that made us feel like we were locals. And the Shari Shari Kakigori House (admittedly a Japanese dessert place) would have been worth a second taste.

Gustatory highlights: pan-fried buns, Hong Kong style French toast with milk tea, kakigori (Japanese shaved ice), and black sticky rice egg custard.

Between the meals, we hit up most of Hong Kong's tourist attractions. Among the highlights were the sweeping vistas en route to the Tian Tan Buddha on Lantau Island, the fabulously exotic trees in Victoria Park, and the serenity of the Nan Lian Garden & Chi Lin Nunnery. We explored some of the locals' favorites like the "city within a city" of The Mills, a former textile mill converted into mall, community space, and art exhibition center. And we absolutely did not regret the day in Macau, probably our most charming destination. The free pandas exhibit was completely adorable and the streets of historical downtown were surreal: completely Portuguese from the white and gray mosaic sidewalks under our feet to the church spires up above, and yet perfectly Asian from the hustle and bustle to the cuisine to the store fronts. I often found myself wondering who the Portuguese translations on all the signs were really for, as I'm not sure I heard more than a single pair of people speaking the language during the entire day we wandered around the city. Still, it made the city way more accessible for a Westerner to navigate.

The Tian Tan Buddha on Lantau Island was the "touristy" highlight of Hong Kong.

Our day trip to Macau, a Portuguese territory until just 1999, was easily the most charming stop on the week's travels.

Overall, Hong Kong felt like the perfect spot for a Westerner to dip their toes into Asian culture. Every single sign bilingual, nearly everyone spoke at least a few words of English, the public transport was highly functional, and the city, despite its stature with more skyscrapers than I'd ever seen in one place before, was not at all menacing. It wasn't a place to fall in love with, but you could see how folks could build a life here. But before we knew it, it was time to return to the lives that we've built, an ocean away. We traveled back in time, landing hours before we'd lifted off. And the news alerts were there to greet us as soon as we turned off airplane mode. Normal life - or this new normal - picked up right where we'd left off.

A second shot at a once-in-a-lifetime experience

We've hit the Olympic ticketing jackpot: viva Milano 2026!

Paris 2024 felt like a once in a lifetime experience: Witnessing Olympians showcasing the greatest of humanity's physical feats surrounded by energized crowds cheering on fan favorites. It was a moment to celebrate what is best in us, divorced from the messy politics that normally fills the empty space of daily life. Why should we accept that such a wonderful moment has to be once-in-a-lifetime, especially when we know it comes around every two years? It seemed only right that we make the most of our final pre-parenthood years to hit up another round of Olympics, especially as they'll be just south of our country's border, in Italy, where my journey to becoming European began.

As luck would have it, Nico got pulled in the first 30 hours of sales for Milan 2026, so we've officially hit the ticketing jackpot. Next year you'll find us at figure skating (ice dance, pair, and women's), luge, biathlon medals, snowboard big air medals, and Nordic combined medals. Non vedo l'ora!

A year of telepathy

As is the nature when working for such a high profile project, doubly so when it falls under the purview of one of the world's most notable men, discretion around my work is a requisite. I can't speak publicly to my own work or experience. But it makes my heart so full to see our very first users report on the fruit of my and my colleagues' labor. Today, on my 7th anniversary of joining the company, Neuralink published a blog post outlining our first year of our Telepathy product. It's just the beginning of what I hope will be profoundly meaningful technology for people who've been so underserved and deserve much more. It is the privilege of a lifetime and surely the pinnacle of my career to get to be an integral member of this team. I wish the world knew how much we care, how hard we work to serve folks with disabilities, and how much we do right (both technically and through community engagement) behind closed doors.