Sunday, January 6, 2019

Our sunny Senegalese Christmas

It's hard to evoke the sunshine of the Senegalese coast from behind a rain-soaked window in the California winter.
The view outside my window today
Less than two weeks ago, we lifted off for our first foray into sub-Saharan Africa. Senegal is an excellent place for a trial run of exploration in this continent. Though the trip could have used a few more tourist attractions, it wasn't without some valuable experiences. And it may have been exactly the slowed pace we needed after the year we'd just endured.

We arrived after dark on Christmas Eve, haggled our way into a taxi, and eventually made our way to the coast line where we found ourselves a skiff (think glorified motorized canoe) to take us over to our Airbnb on the N'Gor Island, just off the coast of Dakar. This venue turned out to be one of our better decisions, an artist's escape mere miles yet a world away from the noise and pollution of the capital city, where the only sounds to lull us asleep were from the waves crashing against the cliffs.
Our Airbnb on N'Gor Island off the coast of Dakar
A maze of packaged dirt trails weave across N'Gor Island, past high walls and decorative doors that enclose the private residences and show off their inhabitants artistic talents.
One well-planned day is really all you need for Dakar, unless you plan to venture deep into the heart of the city's markets, not a place for the weak or soft-hearted. As a toubab, or white person, you'll be incessantly stopped in the streets of Dakar by locals trying to sell you something. The Senegalese never bother getting straight to the point of what they're vending, instead striking up endless friendly conversation, which makes them that much harder to shake and that much harder to turn down when they finally hit you with their wares. Needless to say, a bit of wandering through the streets past some of the major monuments, under the heavy heat a few blocks beyond the reach of the ocean breeze, was enough for us to decide that the markets were out of our league. 
A few highlights of Dakar, mostly its colonial buildings. Much of the city was so nondescript, either dilapidated single-story structures or characterless high-rises, that I didn't even realize I'd forgotten to photograph it until writing this blog post. I did, however, enjoy the nod to my dear leader (bottom right) propped up, quite appropriately, next to a trash heap on the side of the road.
After a half-day in Dakar spent dodging salespeople, haggling your way to a deal or two, eating freshly caught fish, and perhaps relaxing over a mint tea, a local speciality, it's worth spending an afternoon at Dakar's top tourist draw and Africa's first UNESCO World Heritage site, Gorée Island. Boats only leave every hour or two, so it's important to plan ahead and to come prepared. A visit to this island not only requires exact change for the fare but also a passport or other form of government-issued idea, something we were lucky to have had on hand. Honestly, the island in and of itself isn't much to see. What matters is what its simple buildings have seen. Gorée Island, located off the coast of Africa's western-most city, was a major point of departure for slave ships headed to the New World. About 33,000 of the approximately 15 million slaves traded over four centuries were held prisoner on Gorée Island before leaving for the New World, and plenty others couldn't hold on long enough to ever leave the island. One surprisingly historical tidbit I learned during our visit was that métisse women on Gorée held high social status. These women, referred to as signares, were often integrally involved in and personally profited from the slave trade, quite the opposite of the fate that would have awaited them on an American plantation. Gorée has become a sort of pilgrimage site for those seeking roots lost to the history of the slave trade, a destination for anyone from locals to the pope and US presidents. 
Gorée Island, Africa's first UNESCO World Heritage site and a place of pilgrimage for those commemorating the horrors of the trans-Atlantic slave trade.
Consciences thoroughly racked, we were ready for destination number two. A five-day trip is hardly enough to properly see the country of Senegal. We'd been forced to choose between a venture northward to the colonial city of St. Louis and southward to the finer beaches and fishermen's villages along the Petite Côte. Opting for the latter in search of a more authentically African experience, we hopped into a taxi on to Toubab Dialao, about an hour's drive south of Dakar. 

Sights along the route from Dakar to Toubab Dialao
It didn't take too many minutes on the road before the over-crowded mini busses and taxis started sharing the lanes with horse-drawn carts, and traffic slowed to avoid the goats and cattle wandering alongside it. It was fascinating to see so much development happening alongside such modest shacks where locals sheltered from the sun under corrugated tin roofs draped with spare fabrics. The city of Dakar has been undergoing rapid expansion. Only a year ago, the local airport had to close, with the city rapidly encroaching upon it, to be replaced by a larger and more modern facility well beyond the ever-expanding city boundaries. It will be fascinating to see what becomes of this country over the next few decades, if they continue to manage to keep the Islamic extremists outside their borders.

Although Senegal is a Muslim-majority country, about a quarter of its residents are Christians, a fact which doesn't seem to perturb the locals in the slightest. To the contrary, they generally enjoy celebrating each other's holidays.
Christmas wishes along the Dakar coast greeting those hopping onto the skiffs for N'Gor Island
Plenty of restaurants in Dakar were closed on Dec. 25 (to our chagrin) and many other buildings had little Joyeux Noël signs, Christmas trees, and garlands hung. And when the calls to prayer rung out from the mosque just next to our hotel in Toubab Dialao, the locals on the beach would hardly bat at eyelid as they continued sipping their afternoon tea. It's refreshing admidst all the horrible news you'll see these days to get to immerse yourself in such a warm, kind, and reasonable society where extremism has no foothold. The Senegalese we met were all adamant that such attitudes had no place in Senegal, which each local explained with what is clearly a broadly-used Senegalese expression, "On partage tout sauf nos femmes," literally translated as "We share everything except our wives." It's their way of saying what's mine is yours, mi casa es tu casa, and it's an expression of "teranga," the Senegalese national value that's tough to translate. Teranga basically means that you should treat everyone you meet with a warm and welcoming attitude. Teranga is pervasive throughout the culture. It likely goes a long way to explain why we didn't spot many homeless or visibly underfed people on the streets of Dakar, and it's also why we found it so tough to try to figure out how to avoid getting trapped by those kind but persistent salesmen.

In Toubab Dialao we ran into the first real snag of the journey: a serious shortage of ATMs. Senegal is a cash-based economy. It is an uphill battle to try to get your hands on small-denomination bills, which can seriously dampen your haggling game. Apparently, once you leave the capital city, simply getting your hands on any sort of cash becomes an uphill battle. Upon arriving in Toubab Dialao and discovering that there were no ATMs within even a half hour's drive of the city, we found ourselves budgeting out the second half of our stay, booking a taxi, and paying $50 for a round trip to the airport just to find ourselves an ATM. (Did I mention that taxis are hardly a bargain, even after the haggling?) Having blown through a much bigger chunk of our journey's budget to date on various painfully pricey taxi trips, we tabled any further excursions beyond the beach-front cultural center where we'd booked our final two nights. I will say, there are worse places to spend a couple of days of forced relaxation.
Our home away from home in Toubab Dialao, Sobo Bade's chambre droit, where we spent our last two nights in Senegal under a charming thatched roof with arguably Sobo Badé's best views.
Out and about in Sobo Badé
Sobo Badé is an arts and cultural center founded in the '70s by a Haitian immigrant and artist who moved to Senegal in 1964. It is an assembly of two compounds that include guest rooms, a restaurant, a small theatrical performance area, artist's and musician's workshops. The architecture style is something along the lines of Gaudí meets Disney's interpretation of Africa. It was utterly charming. Sobo Badé hosts daily concerts and cultural events, and is home to a small army of local cats who gleefully visit the diners despite the efforts of the waitstaff and their handy water spritzers. 
A sampling of Sobo Badé's small army of cats
We felt so at home that we enjoyed all our meals inside Sobo Badé, even treating ourselves to the best meal of our trip, a Thieboudienne, basically a fish and rice dish served with a stew of tomato sauce, onions, carrots, cabbage, cassava, and peanuts. It may have looked like a giant brown mess into which a full fish had been dropped, but the taste was fantastic: warm, cozy, flavorful, rich, and well-spiced, made all the more delicious when eaten in the cool salty night air, accompanied by the sound of the waves crashing below us.
Meals with a view, and even an unexpected lunchtime guest
Sobo Badé's local beach, and a view up onto Sobo Badé from it (top left)
Five days go by before you know it. We sipped our last mint tea, bid my newest feline friends au revoir, and rolled our suitcases out to the taxi, airport-bound. I didn't want to leave.

Sunday, December 16, 2018

What it took

I started this blog with two questions: 1. After a decade abroad, how do you come back home? And 2. What does it take to bring a foreigner with you? I'm pleased to say that we're finally answering question #2. On October 4, Nicolas's green card was approved. After that, the days seemed to crawl by, waiting for the final milestones to get ticked: Nicolas's 30 days notice. My roommate swap that finally took me from a the living room to a proper bedroom with walls and a door. The goodbye parties. The packing. The flights.

Since I'd already booked a flight to visit Nicolas for Thanksgiving and his family had all reserved the date to celebrate, we realized we had to put up with a few weeks' more than the simple 30-days' notice period. It made most sense for me to still fly out and then take Nicolas home with me after Thanksgiving. Those November days crawled by. Eventually, about three weeks ago, I boarded the plane that finally ended out nearly-11-months of long distance. It wasn't exactly the celebratory homecoming I'd anticipated on the other side— Nicolas had a dentist appointment that ran over, and I wound up napping on a bench outside his apartment— but it was a fitting end to the dark comedy that has been the trajectory of our marriage thus far.
En route to Paris, Nov. 22-23, 2018. The end of a nearly 11-month saga of forcible separation due to immigration.
One nap and two t-shirts later, we were ready for Nicolas's going-away party, titled "Nicolas Part Pour Trumpland." Though to California's credit, he was hardly headed for the heart of it.
Dressed on point for Nicolas's going-away party.
No time for jetlag: the following morning, we were up and at 'em, and soon headed off to Versailles, to crash Nicolas's sister's kitchen for the frenzy that is the Thanksgiving preparations. The task was significantly eased thanks to my father-in-law, who'd spotted a Blue-Apron-esque offer for a Thanksgiving meal, which he had the foresight and generosity to pre-order after passing it by us. All the ingredients were conveniently waiting for us in the right proportions, with recipe cards in both English and French. (It was no secret that this deal was marketed to a specific Parisian expat community.) Several hours, bumped elbows, and piggy-back rides later, the table was served (and the kids strictly instructed to stop climbing their Tonton Nico).
The French family around the Thanksgiving dinner table
Thanksgiving 2018, a (hopefully) new Kouzan family Parisian tradition
The next week rolled by in a blur of jet lag and remote working, punctuated by a few wanders across the Marais and the highlight: a trip to the Salon des Vins, one of my favorite Parisian past-times. It's an event with effectively free entry filled with literally thousands of French wine makers lined up to serve you more wine, Champagne, and cognac than you could possibly consume, all for free. Why more people outside of French haven't caught on to this event, I'll never get.
The magic of the Marais, Pierre Hermé, and the Salon des Vins. A week in Paris spent working remotely (me) or not remotely (Nicolas).
Finally, without much of a proper visit to Paris and hardly a moment to relish our reunion, we were packing Nicolas's bags and cleaning out his dad's apartment where he'd had the good fortune to spend the past 11 months rent-free. With just a quick pit stop for a cascara infusion at Caféothèque to humor his beleageuring wife, Nicolas said goodbye to Paris and headed off with me to Orly Airport for what would be the longest flight that either of us have ever taken, direct from Paris to San Francisco. After a brief detainment at customs, we were free to go and finally resume our life together, hoping for better luck on this side of the planet.
Nicolas's big move to SF, complete with a celebratory beer at our local Beer Hall.
Since then we've been settling in to life in San Francisco, checking out local bars and ice cream shops and enjoying coming home to each other each evening. With the price tags hovering over this city, we haven't been treating ourselves to much out on the town, but it's often enough to just settle in to a beer and a Netflix episode on our futon in the mini-living-room I've built under our lofted bed. It's been surprisingly easy to settle back into our routines.
Us beginning our new life together in San Francisco!
Still I've avoided answering the question: what did it take?

  • 322 days living on different continents, punctuated by just two trans-Atlantic visits
  • A guesstimate of about 100 hours of video calls
  • Adjusting to a nine hour time difference, meaning never being on the same wavelength when we did electronically connect
  • Countless texts and photos shared, most especially of meals gone unshared
  • 3 moves (on my end) into and within San Francisco
  • About 500 pages of paperwork providing various US government agencies with every possible shrapnel of proof that we're legit
  • Mad admin skills (+1 for the woman whose held non-tourist visas in 4 different countries and tourist visas in a handful more)
  • Resilience
  • Trust
  • Patience (still not my strong point)
  • Open communication

You'd think I'd have a better answer after a year to think about it, but that's what it took to bring Nicolas to America. Now a better question might be how this foreigner and I will adapt to life in a country that doesn't quite feel like home. But first we've got another adventure on the docket: Senegal. T-8 days.

Sunday, November 4, 2018

A boozy reunion

I can't believe it's already been two whole weeks since I was out lounging around a hot tub, enjoying the fact that Sunday night meant nothing faced with a Monday (and even half of Tuesday!) off from work. I had the great fortune to have my old high school/middle school crew fly out from New York to meet those of us transplants now on the West Coast for a weekend of California wine tasting. It was about as kitsch as you can get, from a 14th-century-inspired castle winery to a winery accessible by air gondola, and we soaked it all in under fantastically sunny California skies. My SF friends weren't lying when they said that summer comes to San Francisco in October. The reunion was much overdue. It was really a remarkable gift, seeing that my old friends have all grown up into fantastic adults who you still just want to chill with. That they've welcomed me back into the fold so warmly after a decade abroad was more than I had hoped for. #blessed is just so trite, but if ever an occasion called for it... 

I'll leave this post short and sweet, and let the photos do the talking, with captions to help you along.
Day drinking *ahem* wine tasting around Napa/Sonoma

Our Airbnb in Sebastopol (Sonoma), complete with a hot tub for day drinking. We're grown ups now, so this is allowed. ;)


Wine tasting survivors photo
Out and about along the California coast

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Our green card red letter days

Getting through a green card application is a special kind of administrative hell. I was going to tell you that the worst of it is the waiting and the wondering, but let's be clear, every stage is awful. From insisting your marriage certificate is real even if the scanner rotated the document by 90 degrees, to hunting down, assembling, and labelling every last bad photo you ever had as a couple, to prepping for an interview by quizzing each other about random relationship facts and figures that most normal couples are allowed to forget, it's all demeaning and degrading, as though my government were punishing me for marrying outside the tribe.

Yesterday, the waiting and wondering closed up when Nicolas opened an envelope. Finally, here is the (photoshopped) fruit of this year's labor:

In case it can help anyone who's still in the dark, or just as a testament to the journey we've taken, here is the run down of our green card red letter days:

mid-December 2017: We begin assembling documents for the I-130 petition submission.

February 3, 2018: Completed I-130 Petition for Alien Relative is prepared, lovingly assembled, and mailed off to the USCIS Texas Service Center, which processes applications from petitioners living in the western half of the US.

February 6, 2018: The Texas Service Center receives our application. (This was our "priority date.")

February 10, 2018: The Texas Service Center notifies us of our application's receipt.

March 22, 2018: We file a K-3 visa application (I-129F) which would enable Nicolas to move to the US while waiting for a response on his CR1 visa (green card for immediate relative of US citizen)

May 21, 2018: Our I-130 petition is approved! On this date, our K-3 visa application is rejected, as is unfortunately standard practice these days. The application was not evaluated while his I-130 was being processed. Once the I-130 was approved, he was no longer eligible for the K-3. With that decision, he officially had to keep waiting outside of the US for the remainder of the green card application process.

July 16, 2018: Our application is assigned a case number with the National Visa Center. We pay the fees immediately and begin assembling documents (and feel like fools for not having anticipated these documents and assembled them ahead of time).

August 7, 2018: We file our documents with the National Visa Center.

August 16, 2018: The National Visa Center notifies us that two of our documents have been rejected and require resubmission.

August 30, 2018: We submit a second filing of documents with the National Visa Center.

September 12, 2018: The National Visa Center approves our documents.

September 26, 2018: The US Embassy in France receives our application and assigns Nicolas an interview date: October 3!

October 3, 2018: Nicolas interviews at the embassy and his visa application is approved!

October 17, 2018: Nicolas's passport, which was taken at the end of his interview, is returned to him with a visa!!

Still to come...

November 30, 2018: Nicolas flies direct from Paris CDG to San Francisco SFO

Several weeks later... Nicolas's green card and social security card will arrive in the mail at our home. Can you believe it, ours? I just can't wait for us to start calling the same place home again.

Sunday, October 7, 2018

A better countdown

The last few pieces of our immigration puzzle fell into place so fast that we hardly had time to build up any anticipation. It was mostly a mad dash of vaccinations, doctor's visits, and medical exams, all of which fell on Nicolas's shoulders. I frantically and rather unhelpfully tried to provide any last minute support that I could from nine time zones away. On Tuesday night, as I got ready for bed, Nicolas dressed to impress. As I tucked myself in, he headed off to the embassy. And as I slept fretfully, he whiled away hours waiting for his turn to get called to the counter for an interview. By the time I'd awoken, after hardly a handful of questions, Nicolas's green card visa application was approved. And then life went on.

This didn't seem right. After months of agony, anxiety, and frustration, how could we just be going about our normal routines? How were we not running to airports and catching the next flights to be together? And how has Nicolas still not had "the talk" with his boss? 

I've struggled to process that, while it's what we've wanted and waited for, the next stage isn't easy either. Nicolas now has to wrap up the life he's rebuilt back in Paris. There are goodbyes to be said and loose ends to be tied. And this time he won't just be hopping in a car and driving around the EU to be with me. While I wanted nothing more than to book Nicolas's flight for the day that his passport gets returned to him in the mail, I had to accept that November 30 was close enough. So now, here's the best countdown we've had since our year of countdowns began:

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Notice regarding your Immigrant Visa Case becoming Documentarily Qualified

After an antsy morning spent repeatedly signing into my CEAC (Consular Electronic Application Center) account and attempting to call a dead NVC (National Visa Center) phone number, my frustrations went up in a puff of smoke when this little email popped up in my inbox:


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After two rounds of NVC document submission thanks to our mistaken submissions of 1. a rotated document and 2. the wrong type of document from the UK Criminal Records office (who knew there were multiple ways for one office to report a clean slate?), we have now made it past the NVC. For those keeping track, that's USCIS: check, NVC: check. On to the US Embassy!
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